I’ve been thinking about why some people get sick and others don’t and about people who seem to catch everything or stagger from one serious condition to the next….because recently I had a very telling experience. I’m fairly sure I ‘made myself’ ill.
I was having a hip replacement and decided that while I recuperated there was much I could do. I was ready with a top up reflexology course, some business planning and several articles I wanted to write. After all I was only going to be resting between exercises to heal from surgery. I wasn’t even having full anaesthetic. I planned to keep in touch with work via emails, see students in my home and minimise the disruption my absence would create.
The first few days after surgery I slept, learned to walk and was thoroughly spoiled by family and friends. Then I decided I’d better get on with stuff…I tried the first chapter of my course book. I fell asleep after half an hour. My students arrived at the beginning of post op week two. It was nice to see them, I’d prepared material. I slept for two hours afterwards, missing lunch and almost tea. The emails were beginning to back up. The number of unread ones kept getting bigger, I couldn’t face them. Conventional post started to build up too. I could read novels, do crosswords but couldn’t seem to get my head round anything else. Instead of listening to my body I began to feel anxious, cross with myself as the weeks passed and I wasn’t ‘ achieving’ anything. Hip was doing well but I began to cough, feel lousy, not sleep. By week five I took myself to the doctor. “I don’t think I’ve got a temperature but I keep feeling hot and cold and I have an awful cough” I told him. “Your temp is 39 degrees: you have pneumonia. Any deterioration in your breathing and we will need to hospitalise you.”
The awful thing is I was relieved…it was as if I suddenly gave myself permission to (a) be properly poorly and (b) allow myself to recuperate. I honestly think that being unable to live up to my own expectations made me ill. My mental attitude seemed to have weakened my immune system. Once I accepted that the tasks I’d set myself were not going to happen, that I should not have even set them, I began to get better. I booked a holiday and by August I was well again.
Has anyone else experienced so clearly that they made themselves ill? What do you think?